Ze Professor's Old Things-Conker's Bad Fur Day fic

Ze Professor's Old Things


The chamber door was a lot like the castle itself; old fashioned yet sturdy; effective yet somewhat out of date. Especially when compared to the highly equipped, metal-married lab other the other side. A large, circular rang posed as both a way of knocking and a handle to grasp; old, damp wood coating the sturdier boards beneath.
The young weasel guard stared up at this door rather uneasily, his helmet (that was a few sizes too big) clutched in his paws before him, his small, thin frame slouched in an almost frightened posture. He gulped with difficulty, glancing around as if wondering if there was an escape route. No such luck.

He'd been given a simple task, really...go an alert Professor Von Kriplespac that the red squirrel had...um, evaded capture. The young weasel guard wondered how on Earth he was going to survive this encounter with the insane scientist, considering how he seemed to get on his nerves so much...but, then again, if he didn't go through with the King's wishes, the young weasel was quite sure he'd be finding out what exactly happened with that duct tape...the hard way.
So it was with great reluctance that the smallish weasel reached out a shivering paw and grasped the handle, lifting the heavy ring and prodding it shakily against the wood. A loud, echoing clatter reverberated through the hallway, and the weasel cringed, tightening his grip on his helmet.

He heard nothing. Slightly bemused at not hearing the scientist's irritated yell, he knocked again. "U-um... Professor, sir? Are- Are th-there?"
Upon getting no answer again, the young weasel mustered up what courage he hand and opened the door, poking his long snout in the darkened, eerie chamber with a shudder A cool, bitter air met his nose and he shivered. It was pitch black in there...
With a small, whimpering mumble, the weasel pulled out a candle (place in a small, cylinder holder) that he usually carried around in case such darkness met him. He lit a match and gave a shaky breath as the small light allowed a little sight in the chamber.
But, despite his efforts, he couldn't stay by the doorway if he wanted to search more. And with the King's orders and the strange fact that the Professor was nowhere to be seen (when he always was here unless visiting with the king) the youngster stepped away from the door, and it swung shut behind him with a final, thundering clunk.
The weasel guard stiffened, clutching the candle in fright. All alone, in a creepy lab that belonged to an even more creepy, insane scientist?
Another gulp echoed through the quiet. Then, he shakily began wandering through the lab, shinning the light around. "Hello? Professor?"

Clink.

The weasel's heart leaped and he jumped around, holding his candle out as if to ward off threats. With a sigh, yet still with unease, he realized that is was a door. One that, apparently, hadn't bee closed properly for it had opened a crack.
A cupboard by the looks of it- and as the weasel youth drew closer, and lifted the light around it, he saw that old boards of wood were piled at its side- ones with nails at either end. It was the kind of boards you nailed over a door...
Curiosity struck like lightning in the darkness of his fear, igniting just a little more courage. What did the Professor have in hear that he'd boarded up? And why was he opening it now?

He reached out his free hand, careful to balance the candlelight close by, and opened the door as quietly as he could manage- that is, if you ignored the loud creak it made with every centimeter it moved.
There were shelves inside- many of them with large bits and bobs of old machinery, rolled up paper and other stuff not worth a glance. The youth was disappointed for a moment, and was about to leave when his baby-blue eyes spotted something odd and out of place sitting in an old cardboard box at the end of the shelf.
Cautiously, he placed the candle down on another shelf and pulled the box towards him, and peered inside. His eyes widened. A badge, a hat and some blue paper. A badge that had no place on a scientist's shirt...and a hat fit for a war general. The blueprints looked very old, too...yet the white scribbles were unmistakable the scientist's mad (and genius) plans. The young weasel stiffly lifted the hat, turning it over as he did so. It looked like the ones he'd seen in pictures- vague printings about the 'Old War' or something like that. What did the Professor have to do with the Old War?
Abruptly, the lights in the lab snapped on and the youth dropped the hat in shock, whirling around in alarm. He then came face to face with a mismatched pair of fury-filled, red-green eyes.

The Professor seized the terrified youth by the front of his shirt and hoisted him up to eye level, his feet dangling in the air as he yelped. The insane scientist jerked the youth closer, so his blazing eyes were an inch away from his.
He went out for five minutes at the least to get some supplies, leaving the light off to safe energy to store for his weapons, and what did he find when he came back?
In a slow, low and dangerously calm voice, he spoke. "Give me one reazon vhy I shouldn't kill you...slowly... and painfully?"
The brat struggled a little in his grasp, looking beyond terrified. Kiplespac had no pity for the youth, however, and met his look with menaced fury.

"I- I d-didn't mean to intrude, s-sir!"

"Yesss..." Kiplspac tightened his grip, eyes moving closer still, "You did. Now...vhat to do, vhat to do?" A maniacal grin spread as he said this, an almost sing-song note to his raspy voice. The smaller weasel in his grasp almost died of fright, right there.

"P-please!" He yelped, only to be met with a low, smooth cackle as a response, "I- I just- What to y-you have t-to do with the Old War?!"

The Professor's eyes (or the organic one at least) snapped wide, and he stiffened. Of all the things to come out with when begging for your life.
The young weasel, still afraid yet now a little bewildered, noticed how aggression had almost completely left the elder's form. Then, the Professor's eyes snapped back to meet his, and he squeaked in fright.

"Vhat did you see?" The tone was demanding, quick. The young weasel shook his head, but answered shakily,
"Only a hat...and a b-badge...and some b-blue paper, I d-didn't look at them!"
There was a silence, and the Professor regarded him with an unreadable glare. Perhaps wondering whether or not to murder him right that second. All the while the younger stared back, eyes wide.

Eeek....

"You have no purpose viddling vith my thingz." The Professor drawled after a while, his grip tightening slightly, "As for your vittle que-st-ion..."
He dropped the youth abruptly, watching with no pity as the youth landed painfuly on his side, yelping as he collided with the hard ground. He turned in his floating chain, preparing not to look back at the interfering brat,
"All vill be answered in time. But you vill not speak of ziz. If you do..I shall not hestitate to kill you. Now, away."
The young weasel, now on his feet, moved quickly and quietly towards the door, eyes locked anxious on the turned, chair-bound form of the elder.
As he opened the door with trembling paws, he looked over his shoulder to find the Scientist glaring at the floor.
"Um...Sir...The K-King wanted to to a-alert you that the s-squirrel escaped c-capture."
The elder looked up at him, and the younger weasel was highly surprised when he saw an almost smug grin play at his lips. Huh?
"Oh, how very unfortunate," The elder rasped, a small giggle-like laugh rippling his chaired form, "We vill have to tink of something else, hm?"
Unnerved that the elder was actually smiling meanly at him, the smaller weasel offered a forced, nervous one in return. "I...I s-suppose so, sir. G-good day, Professor."
The door clanked shut a moment later, leaving the Professor to grin to himself all he wanted.
"Good day indeed...heh..." He'd send that idiot of a King on a wild goose chase that he couldn't even catch the goose in. Hah!
His moved towards the cupboard, frowning a little upon seeing some of his old things out in the open. He grumbled to himself and shoved them back into the cupboard, slamming the door shut as if punishing it for opening in the first place. Had he not wanted to get himself covered in blood stains at the moment, he hadn't slaughtered the ignorant boy who'd been looking around.
"Stupid vittle brat. If he ever crosses Ze Professor Again..." He grinned a little, maniacally at the thought, "He vill be joining ze King in enternal slumber...hmhm..."